I found a website that condenses movies and books to a few short sentences....Here are a few I thought were amusing.....post requests if you wish and I'll try to find it or make one up....yay.

Movies first:

Citizen Kane:

• ORSON WELLES: Rosebud (dies)
• REPORTER: What does it mean?
• EVERYBODY ELSE: We don't know.

City Slickers:

• BILLY CRYSTAL: Maybe herding cattle will solve all my problems.  (it DOES)

Dr. Strangelove:

• Oops.

The Empire Strikes Back

• LUKE: I have to go to Dagobah
• YODA: You have to use the force.
• LUKE:  I have to go to Cloud City.
• DARTH VADER:  You have to come to the dark side.
• LUKE:  No I don't
• DARTH VADER:  I'm your father.
• LUKE:  No you're not.
• DARTH VADER:  Fine, I'll cut off your hand.

From Dusk Til Dawn

• QUENTIN TARANTINO:  I'm so messed up.
• GEORGE CLOONEY:  I like you, but shut up.  Harvery Keitel, help us.
• HARVEY KEITEL:  Mwu.  I'm religious or something. 
• ROBERT RODRIGUEZ (DIRECTOR):  That's enough character development, bring on the vampires.

Interview With A Vampire

• BRAD PITT:  I don't want to suck blood from humans.
• TOM CRUISE:  Yes you do.
• BRAD PITT:  You're right.

Patch Adams

• BOB GUNTON:  Study medicine so you can cure sick people
• ROBIN WILLIAMS:  Medicine schmedicine, there's nothing a clown nose won't cure.
• (TRAGEDY strikes)
• ROBIN WILLIAMS:  I'm sad now, but I just saw a butterfly.  (does something funny)

BOOKS

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

• ANCIENT MARINER:  I'm creepy and old, listen to me.
• PARTY GUEST:  I'm late, but I'll listen.
• ANCIENT MARINER:  I killed an albatross, then everyone died.

A Christmas Carol

• EBENEZER SCROOGE:  Bah humbug, You'll work 38 hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at 5 degrees, and like it.
• GHOST OF JACOB MARLEY:  Scrooge, three ghosts will come and tell you that you are mean.
• THREE GHOSTS:  You're mean.
• EBENEZER SCROOGE:  At last I have seen the light.  Let's dance in the streets.  Have some money.

Great Expectations

• PIP:  I'm poor
• (Lots of THINGS happen)
• PIP:  I'm poor.

Hamlet

• HAMLET:  Whine, whine whine...to be or not to be....I'm dead.

Huckleberry Finn

• (Goes Rafting...Goes Home)

Meh.  Not bad....some are pretty clever really.